The Family Reunion

The Family Reunion

It was a blistering hot day for a f___ing picnic. I’m not going anywhere near that barbeque. Susan and Allen can handle it. Where’s the beer? Thank God, there’s plenty. I hope my stupid cousin Kevin isn’t going to sing. I’d rather be home playing video games, but the wife made me come. “ It’s tradition”, she had said. “We’re a very close family.” Yeh, I’m painfully aware of that. I bet they even know when I fart. None of these broads can keep anything to themselves. You just have to tell one of them something and moments later they all know. Oh well, he would stay for the food then make an excuse to leave. It would soon be over, thank God.

It was a hot one, but at least there was a little breeze. The barbeque smelled so good she couldn’t stay away from it. Beer in had she offered to help cook to speed up the process. These reunions were the highlight of the year. So wonderful to have her whole family in one place. Dad had always dreamed of owning a motel or a huge farm so everyone could be together. Wouldn’t that be grand? “ Oh, Kevin is here. I hope he’ll sing for us.” It had been a long time since she had heard his rendition of Take me home to the ball game, he was awesome. Although she couldn’t wait for the food, she hoped this day would never end.

“Holy God it’s hot.” What were they thinking having this thing outside this time of year, Mary thought. She offered to spring for a banquet room and even help pay for the caterers but Emily had thanked her politely and said it would be too impersonal. Well I guess sweating together was personal. At least the food smelled good. She found herself a seat by a fan. “Hey, there’s Kevin.” She enjoyed his singing, though slightly off key. Susan and Allen are taking forever with the barbeque. Hope we’ll eat sometime this millennium. I hope they have some kind of nice wine and not just beer. Beer is for heathens. So many people and children milling around. It was nice to get out, but she was already missing the quiet of her own home.

Beth Ann did kind of like these reunions, but the heat was getting to her. That and she needed a shot. The three beers she downed didn’t seem to help. She’d have to sneak off to the bathroom soon. The food smelled good, she hoped she wouldn’t have to force down a few bites to make it look good, before complaining of stomach problems. Oh, great she was jonesing and there was a line at the bathroom. This wasn’t going to work. Water bottle and spoon in hand, she wandered nonchalantly into the woods at the edge of the park. Hopefully this woods was thick enough. About 50 yards in she found the perfect spot. Thank God. In a few moments she was off. Yeh. She walked in slow motion back to the crowd and tried to blend in even though she felt like bugs were crawling all over her. Wow, Kevin is singing, how cool is that. He’s so gifted. She drank two more beers, couldn’t sit still and just ambled around for a while, avoiding any serious conversations. Soon she was back in the woods. Oh yuk, some ass holes were doing the nasty just within earshot. This was going to be a long party.

My family altogether. God I wish it could always be like this. Look at little Johnny, he’s grown so much. He had been the first grandchild and so dear to his heart. His little buddies were all having their little firsts without him; first steps, first tooth, new words. Well, hopefully he’d be there for their first ball game, or take them on their first trip to the zoo. Daddy’s little girls all grown up with little ones of their own. Where had the time gone. Emily made the years go by so smoothly you hardly noticed. He’d fallen head over heels the day he laid eyes on her. And now? Now, 55 years later, he loved her even more. Soul mate didn’t begin to describe how he felt, she was more like a part of him. The best part. Oh, food was almost ready and Kevin was going to sing. Great. This was heaven.

“Isn’t this great,” Jim, “everyone all together. Susan and Allen make the best barbeque. I can’t wait.” Me neither, he said, “Let’s make the rounds so we get to see everybody and then go burn one in the van where its air conditioned.” “Sounds like a good idea. Mom looked tired but happy and you couldn’t wipe the smile off Dad’s face, having his whole family together. Finally they were in the van and the sweat was beginning to dry up. Oh cool Romancing the stone was still in the DVD player from last week. Fire it up. This movie always makes me horny. I love Michael Douglas. I’d do him in a jungle. “How about me in the woods, I’m cute and available.” “You’re on.” They wandered nonchalantly into the woods, she couldn’t stop giggling. They were so hot for each other they almost ran once they were out of sight. Oh, yeh, the perfect spot. They fell onto the soft bed of leaves and melted into each other until it seems like they’d been gone for hours. Better get back. As they emerged from the woods, Kevin was singing, Take me home to the ballgame. Jim laughed, “I feel like I just made a home run. My legs are a little wobbly. Let’s sit down and eat. Great party.”